Jesus is back, and he's governor.

I guess this means the Rapture is here...

Scientists are trying to wipe out humanity

ScienceNOW Daily News Writes:

In a controversial study, researchers have resurrected a retrovirus that infected our ancestors millions of years ago and now sits frozen in the human genome.

Maybe it's paranoia talking, but this seems to be one published article away from one of the following three headlines:

RETROVIRUS STOLEN BY TERRORISTS

or maybe

RETROVIRUS LEAKED; PHARMACEUTICAL CURE ON THE WAY SAYS GLAXOSMITHKLINE

or even

ENTIRE WORLD POPULATION DEAD; PRESIDENT TO MOURN AT 6PM

Full story here.

Rabid Bats have invaded Indiana

In what could best be described as Alfred Hitchcocks' "The Birds" meets.... bats, a girl was killed when she was bitten by a rabid bat. Since when did bats attack people anyway? Indiana's first bat death (?!) in 50 years, and certaintly not to be the last. Look for more bat on human attacks and a FOX special to come soon.

Full story here.

Latest Bird Flu Raises Alarm

Full story here

Scientists have discovered a new variant of the deadly avian influenza virus that is resistant to vaccines and is spreading, raising potential concerns for Delaware's poultry industry.

The new strain, known as H5N1 Fujian-like, is spreading among poultry and humans in Southeast Asian countries including China and Hong Kong, Laos, Malaysia and Thailand. In a study expected to published today, researchers said the strain may have developed resistance to vaccines following extensive poultry vaccination programs to fight the disease in the region.

North Korea prepping for 2nd Nuclear test

Here it comes...

Satellite images indicate North Korea appears to be getting ready for a second nuclear test, officials said Tuesday, as the defiant communist regime held huge rallies and proclaimed that U.N. sanctions amount to a declaration of war.

http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=2580235

As Mack, from Predator 2, so eloquently stated, "We're all gonna die."

North Korea is going to nuke us

From CNN.com:

North Korea, citing American belligerence and pressure, said Tuesday it will conduct a nuclear test.

Strange.. The one country who announces they will be firing nuclear weapons very soon and really doesn't like us is on the complete opposite side of the world from the one we have occupied with our military.

Remember what to do kids, now tell me right out loud. What do you do when you see the flash?

Duck... and cover!

U.S. is not protected from Anthrax for the next year

Wired News reported today that the biotech company who was awarded the near $1 billion contract by the U.S. Health Department was "plagued with misfortune and delays" (oh the puns...) and will not be developing an effective defense against a bio-terrorist attack on U.S. soil until at least 2008. Which means, I surmise, that we will all die from anthrax poisoning sometime in 2007.

Read the full article here.

The Eighth of Ten

As if proof that MTV's Spring Break is a breeding ground of sin, a plague of locusts descended upon Mexico's Cancun Resort.

The Reuter's article referred to Mexico's battle against this menace as a "crusade" and one woman was quoted as saying, "We hope that God will take pity on us and help us."

China lops decades off Earth's lifetime

http://news.independent.co.uk/world/asia/article1768827.ece

The explosive growth of the Chinese economy over the past seven years has been linked with a rise in emissions of man-made methane, a study has found. Methane is the second most important greenhouse gas and, molecule for molecule, it is about 20 times as potent as carbon dioxide in its ability to exacerbate global warming.

I'm sure that megacorporations support the industry, considering a large majority of their manufactured goods come from China. Does this mean we can blame Wal-Mart for the death of humanity now?

CERN will destroy us all...

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14923900/

Scientists could generate a black hole as often as every second when the world's most powerful particle accelerator comes online in 2007. This potential "black hole factory" has raised fears that a stray black hole could devour our planet whole. The Lifeboat Foundation, a nonprofit organization devoted to safeguarding humanity from what it considers threats to our existence, has stated that artificial black holes could "threaten all life on Earth" and so it proposes to set up "self-sustaining colonies elsewhere." But the chance of planetary annihilation by this means "is totally miniscule," experimental physicist Greg Landsberg at Brown University in Providence, R.I., told LiveScience.

Totally miniscule... that's still greater than zero.

I fear for our lives.